9 Tips to Make Love Last
A healthy relationship can be one of life’s greatest gifts. But most self-help books agree that making love last is hard work. Sometimes you need help from a friendly expert. Here are nine tips on how to make love last.
Commit to permanency. Make up your mind to make your relationship work. Commitment is the only thing that will keep you together. Don’t go into marriage thinking of keeping your options open.
Nurture the relationship. Marriage is about a couple–not the kids, parents, in-laws, relatives, friends or business associates. Write each other into your datebook. If you can afford it, schedule a regular date night with each other.
Share responsibility and work together. For a marriage to run smoothly, both partners must share responsibilities. If the division of labor isn’t working, negotiate changes.
Laugh. One of the great joys of marriage is spending time together laughing. Being able to laugh at yourselves and your situation is a great stress reliever. A sense of humor can also cause you to feel closer to each other.
Be a good forgiver. Healthy marriages need an dose of forgiveness. Without it, anger and resentment build up until they destroy any chance for intimacy. When you fall short in accepting and loving each other unconditionally, you have to fall back on forgiveness. Unforgiveness is unforgivable. You have to let it go.
Affirm your mate. Before marriage it’s easy to see the positive qualities in your sweetheart. But once you marry, the rose-colored glasses tend to fade. The reality of living together creates tension, and it’s easy to focus on the negative instead of the positive. Here’s an idea: Make a list 30 compliments about your partner on slips of papers. Then share one compliment a day. It’s amazing how something so simple can improve your day.
Learn how to resolve conflict. Conflict is inevitable. Learn to fight fair by building parameters. If you are willing to attack the problem and not each other, you can find a solution. The end result may be that you agree to disagree.
Communicate. Experts say that only eight percent of our communication is actually verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder. Simple expressions like “I love you,” “I need your love,” “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Forgive me,” “May I help?” and “Thank you” are like vitamins–they will improve the overall health of your marriage if you use them daily.
Seek help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then seek help from your local church or a licensed psychologist. Many employers include mental health-related benefits such as visits to the Pastoral Institute as part of their packages.
Source: Interview with Dr Hal Brady, retired senior pastor of St Luke United Methodist Church, Columbus, GA