Guest Post by C. Jonathan Brogdon, MS, Counseling Resident in the Sarah T. Butler Children’s Center at the Pastoral Institute
The holidays offer the perfect opportunities to teach manners to children
Holidays are a time filled with excitement. An atmosphere of community and camaraderie appears that seems forgotten over the rest of the year. What helps to create this atmosphere? One basic element is politeness … social etiquette … good, old-fashioned manners.
We see examples of good manners everywhere: welcoming people with a holiday greeting, saying “yes ma’am” and “no sir,” speaking up and smiling. We dust off good habits to say, “Will you please repeat that?” rather than, “Huh?” and to say, “Excuse me,” when passing people in a hurry. We even graciously accept that ugly sweater or other unwanted gift with a smile and a simple “thank you.” With this increase in our positive social interactions, the holidays offer the perfect opportunities to teach manners to children.
Model Politeness
It is important for you as a parent or caregiver to remember that everything you do is watched! Children learn to navigate this world by the examples you provide. Knowing this, you can create opportunities for meaningful learning. For example, you can deliberately accentuate the key behaviors you’re modeling for your child. Say things like “thank you” and “yes sir” prominently when interacting with your young child or with others while in front of your child. And let older children see you writing thank-you notes for gifts or opening the door for others while shopping.
Offer Support
Supporting children’s efforts is vital. Compliment your children for the appropriate behaviors in which they engage. This helps to establish confidence and to identify behaviors that are acceptable.
As children mature, help them explore problem-solving techniques and emotional regulation. Younger children especially have difficulty regulating their emotions and solving problems effectively. These skills are valuable when a child has to handle a disappointment, like receiving clothing rather than the toy he wanted.
Establish Social Boundaries
Social boundaries help children learn that there are proper and improper behaviors that they can engage in toward others. While it might be cute when a young child sticks her finger in Grandma’s holiday cake, it’s important to take that moment to teach her that such a behavior is crossing a boundary and is inappropriate.
Practice Skills
Encourage exploration and responsibility at home and out in public by giving your child interactive tasks to complete. Examples include asking him to give some money to individuals taking donations over the holidays or to read the recipe to you while cooking the holiday dinner. These moments of exploration help children practice and refine their skills.
Just Play
Don’t forget to play with your children! Playtime provides an excellent opportunity to model and teach social skills such as sharing, taking turns, saying“please” and “thank you,” and being responsible with all the new toys. When you play, however, don’t forget that you are the adult. Engage in play that is at each child’s level, but do so as a loving adult who models and encourages proper social skills.
Manners Through the Ages
The holidays naturally provide a multitude of situations to practice social skills. Here is an age-appropriate list of skills to practice with your children.
Ages 2 to 4
Teach children basic social skill application.
Encourage them to look you and others in the eyes when talking. Teach them how and when to say:
• “May I” and “please” when asking for something
• “Thank you” when receiving
• “You’re welcome” when being thanked
• “Yes/no ma’am” and “yes/no sir” when answering an adult
• “Hello” and “good-bye” when someone arrives and departs
• “Excuse me” and “sorry” when disturbing others
Begin teaching table etiquette:
• Mouth closed when eating
• Not playing with food
• Using table utensils
Teach the basics of sharing and cleaning up during and after play.
Ages 4 to 7
Remind your children to apply their social skills and provide more complex discussion of those skills.
Playing well with others
• Sharing
• Taking turns
• Caring for their toys
Helping around the house
• Cleaning up their rooms
• Helping to set/clear the table at dinner
Communicating effectively
• Introducing themselves to others
• Not interrupting
• Listening to instructions
• Respectfully responding when spoken to
Ages 7 to 13
Encourage more self-driven application of their skills and exploration of their social environment.
Taking social initiative
• Writing thank-you letters
• Addressing guests at home graciously
• Encouraging others
• Helping someone who is in need (e.g. holding the door open for someone)
Improving social interaction
• Respecting others’ privacy
• Showing respect to others who are different
• Showing good sportsmanship
• Speaking clearly when on the phone
• Respecting people who are busy and waiting for an appropriate moment to interrupt
• Attempting to not disturb others when playing video games or listening to music
Taking social responsibility
• Doing chores without being asked
• Doing homework or telling parents about school projects
(prior to the night before they’re due)
NOTE: This article first appeared in Valley Parent magazine. Reprinted with permission.
Photo Credit: Graphicleftovers.com
