Kid-friendly Interjections and Fake Swears
As many parents know, children are like sponges. They take in every…single…word that we say. Parenting doesn’t always bring out the best in us, but my husband and I do our best to watch our language. We substitute milder expletives and old fashioned epithets — especially in front of our boys.
So when I overheard one son bellow the following to his brother on a recent school field trip, I was shocked.
“HEY! MOM SAID TO GET YOUR G*DD*MN A** IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!”
Granted, my husband and I let a curse word slip from time to time. But he didn’t hear that one from us!
That evening we had a long conversation about the use of profanity. Other families may have different rules, but in our home, swear words are for adult use only. And never in front of your mother!
We also began compiling a list of kid-friendly interjections and acceptable fake swear words. Here are a few of our favorites.
1. Sweet cheese and crackers
The scene in Zootopia where Nick tells Judy how he sold Mr Big an expensive rug made from the fur of a skunk’s butt is one of the funniest moments of the film.
2. Je-ru-salem Crickets
In The Long Winter by Laura Ingles Wilder, Pa utters this mild epithet when the family’s Christmas turkey finally arrives in May.
3. Billions of blue blistering barnacles
If anyone knows a good expletive swap, it’s Captain Haddock from The Adventures of TinTin. He can turn non-offensive phrases into strong curse words, just by projecting them with great anger.
4. Karabast
A favorite swear word used by Garazeb “Zeb” Orrelios in the TV series Star Wars Rebels.
5. Merlin’s beard
Thank you Ron Weasley for teaching us to take the wizard’s name in vain. (Sorry, Merlin!)
6. Holy schnitzel
A worthy replacement swear used in The Secret Life of Pets.
7. Great snakes
The equivalent of the old French profanity “Sacre bleu.” TinTin uses this kid-friendly interjection as a cry of surprise or happiness. (From The Adventures of TinTin)
8. Kriff (or Kriffing)
A strong swear from the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Coined by author Timothy Zahn, it means almost exactly what it sounds like.
9. Dagnabbit
One of Yosemite Sam’s many colorful expressions. The Looney Tunes’ character is famous for his long and varied list of threats and wisecracks.
10. Son of a Biscuit Eater
The term “biscuit-eater” is the literal translation of the Latin word “Bucellarii,” which was a term for soldiers in the late Roman and Byzantine empire. Hence, “son of a biscuit-eater” literally means “son of a soldier.”
What are your favorite fake swear words?
