Mommy’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
By Charlotte Bowman
Some say becoming scatterbrained is a sign of old age. I think it’s a sign of being a parent. Like every mom, I have good days and bad — days when I am super organized and on top of it all, and days when I suspect my brain has left the building.
But there was one day not so long ago that takes the cake. That day I accidentally double booked myself for lunch AND dinner.
I discovered the double dinner date early that morning and worked it out with only moderate groveling and apologizing. But I didn’t remember my double lunch date at Miriam’s Cafe — until halfway through my salad at MacAlisters.
Time for Plan A: “A little white lie will fix almost anything.” No problem. I would simply call her and make an excuse. I reached in my purse for my cell phone and discovered… MY CELL PHONE WASN’T THERE!
Time for Plan B: “Being late is better than not showing up at all.” I scarfed down the rest of my lunch, raced downtown to pick up my preschooler, then flew to the restaurant with the faint hope of catching up with my friend. To my lack of surprise, she had already left. But at least I had avoided the police.
Time for Plan C: “Groveling is an acceptable solution when you have no other choice.” I drove across the street to the florist to purchase a small bouquet. I grabbed what I needed from my purse and locked it in the trunk (because that’s obviously the most logical place for it).
I then unbuckled my child from his car seat and carried him inside, conveniently forgetting Parenting Law #7: “The greater the number of expensive and breakable items in a store, the greater the probability that your toddler will get loose and destroy things.”
Quite naturally, once we got inside my precocious tot squirmed out of my arms and shot off.
Adrenaline is great stuff. I demonstrated the speed and agility of a mad hippo as I chased him around the tightly packed displays of pricey, breakable merchandise. I finally caught him, tucked him under my arm like a sack of potatoes, paid for my purchase and left.
I delivered the bouquet to my friend’s house with profuse apologies and headed home to try and recover the last shreds of my dignity and good cheer. One might think at this point that the universe would show mercy. One might think…
I pulled into my driveway to find my husband waiting. He needed our insurance card for a doctor appointment. No problem. The card was in my wallet in my purse in the trunk. I patiently ignored his look of “what the heck is it doing there for?” as I went to retrieve it.
I inserted the key into the lock of the trunk and… IT BROKE OFF IN THE LOCK!
I took a deep breath and repressed the urge to punch something. Oh forget it! It was time to put my dignity out of its misery and just give it a quick death. I’d already displayed some pseudo-agility earlier, so I contorted myself into position between the car seats and crawled into the trunk from the inside of the car. YES!! I managed to unlock the trunk! This day would NOT defeat me!
I could feel my good cheer starting to return. I reach into my purse for my wallet and discovered… IT WAS AT THE FLORAL SHOP!
For some odd reason, my husband and children avoided me for the rest of the day.
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Please contact Charlotte Bowman, Muscogee Moms LLC,
(706) 888-0260, or [email protected] for duplication/publication use.
