Guest Blogger: Carmen Overton, M.Ed, The Pastoral Institute
I recently had a casual conversation with a store clerk at Barnes and Noble about her engagement ring. I commented how lovely the ring was and congratulated her on what I assumed must be a fairly recent engagement. The ring was so sparkly that it just had to be brand new.
To my surprise, she informed me that she had been engaged for 6 months. Upon my remarks of how new it looked, she replied that she worked hard to keep it clean and nice looking.
As I was driving home, I thought about my own engagement ring and how I used to feel the same way about keeping it shiny and new looking. I glanced down and realized that it certainly has changed in appearance from the way it looked when I first opened that box 10 years ago.
Of course some of the wear is from never taking it off, from refusing to abandon the outward acknowledgment of commitment to my husband, even when putting sunblock on kids, baking a special birthday cake, or planting a family garden of spring veggies.
However, I wonder how much of the wear is due to simple neglect of not working to keep it sparkly clean?
When we are engaged and newlywed, we are so willing to put the effort to make marriage work, but all too soon it becomes so easy to neglect that work, or no longer have the desire to put forth the effort. But ultimately, a successful marriage does require a lot of tender loving care…and work.
Fortunately, the work can be a lot of fun.
Here are a few tips to keep your marriage gleaming:
Be Friends. According to John Gottman, a psyschologist who is an expert in marriage research, deep friendship is the most important ingredient to a healthy and happy marriage. Although it can be challenging, make time to play and have fun together a priority.
Be Generous. Recent studies show that couples who are generous towards one another tend to show more affection and be more grateful. Generosity simply means taking care of one another. Rather than keeping score onwhose turn it is to take out the trash, offer to do it (and do it with a grateful heart!) You’ll find that there is a lot more room to love your spouse when you are not harboring grudgings and resentment.
Be Quiet. An argument every now and then is a healthy and natural thing for a relationship; but think about how important it is for you to feel like you are getting your point across. Listening is perhaps the most important communication tool needed in order to gain marital happiness. It is more important to hear what the other is saying compared to speaking. Take turns talking and focus on really listening to what your spouse is trying to communicate. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you hear.
Conversation Starters for Couples:
- What three possessions best represent your personality and why?
- What is one activity you wish you had to fit into your daily routine?
- As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Carmen Overton, M.Ed, is the director of Right From the Start, a community initiative dedicated to strengthening marriage and families. Find out more at www.rightfromthestart.org.
Image Source: istockphoto.com
