By Shannon Trouse, FNP at Dr. W. Lloyd Hudson’s office
I wrote last month about setting your toddler up for success in his daily activities. Let’s talk about Toddler Discipline. So what should you do if your toddler decides to entertain you with his evil alter ego, despite your best precautions?
Be prepared to recognize that your toddler often knows what behaviors are wrong. We, as mothers, are frequently in denial that our child is purposefully choosing to do the wrong thing. Establish what your rules and expectations are and stick to them. Keep the rules age-appropriate and realistic. It is completely appropriate to expect your 20 month to abstain from saying “shut up” when you have told him not to say that. It is not appropriate to expect your 20 month old to sit in a chair for 30 minutes. When going somewhere, tell your child specifically what to do and what you expect.
For example, when going to the store, tell your child “please do not touch things on the shelves”. Reward his good behavior when he keeps his hands to himself in the store. If you are going to the doctor’s office, take your child’s toys with you so that he has something to occupy himself with. This will help prevent the need to scold him for touching all of the things in the exam room.
Every child is different and requires a different approach to change his or her behavior. Some children are crushed by a stern look and others could care less about a spanking. Time out works great for 2-year olds because what they care about most at that age is their parent. The child’s perception of missing out on parental attention and activities while being in time out is impressive.
There are a lot of ways to construct time out. What I have found to work is to have a designated time out room that has been baby proofed (not a chair, corner, or step). Install a baby gate in the doorway (two if needed) or be a complete ogre and shut the door. Use a timer. One minute for each age of the child. When a timer is not used, frequently the child is not left in time out long enough and the perception results that time out does not work.
Let’s use hitting as an example. When the child hits, pick him up, in a rough voice say “no hit” and plop him into time out. Let him out in two minutes and resume playing. Do not bring up the incident. Do not engage in lengthy discussions about the ethical ramifications of hitting. If he hits again, plop him back into time out. Leave the room so that you are out of view. What will happen the first few days? Your little one may be in time out more than he is out of it. You may suffer from sheer disbelief that your child would hit again after being in time out five times already for that day.
It will work because it is boring in the time out room and he wants to be with you. Be persistant and don’t give up. The brighter and more strong willed of a child, the worse those first few days are. Do not try to reason or rationalize with your toddler. This is a learning time for him and he is choosing to hit to see what happens or to express himself, not because he is too slow to remember that you told him not to hit.
Once you have given a system of discipline like time out an honest try, evaluate it! If it does not work for your little one, please change it. Back up, re-evaluate your child’s personality, and try another tactic. Whatever you choose, enforce it. Nothing promotes bad behavior better than lack of follow through.
Shannon Trouse, FNP for Dr. W. Lloyd Hudson’s office
5652 Veterans Pkwy Columbus, GA 31904
Now accepting new patients
Call 706-322-7351 to make an appointment.
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