The World’s Okayest Mom
By Alexa Johnson Anderson
A few weeks ago, my husband Scott and I were snuggled in on the couch watching our nightly quota of mindless kid-free TV. From the back of a house we heard a crash and screaming and ran back to see what was wrong.
We found Noah huddled underneath his covers crying and the towel rack in the bathroom on the ground. We asked Noah what happened and from underneath the covers he was huddled under, we couldn’t get the whole story. I stayed with him and rubbed his back for a few minutes and then retreated back to the sofa and TV. Crisis averted.
Fast forward to the next morning.
Scott and I are getting ready in our bathroom and Noah rolls in and on his face is chocolate! The fact that it is 6:30 in the morning makes me suspicious. I ask him where he got the chocolate and the kid is genuinely confused.
I haven’t had any chocolate, Mom.
I then explain to him that he has chocolate on his face and I need him to be honest with me and that I won’t be mad, I just want to know where he got the chocolate. (If someone is eating chocolate, I need the invitation because I want to eat chocolate, too!)
I haven’t had any chocolate, Mom.
After a few rounds of this, I begin to get a little angry.
Don’t lie, Noah. I am not mad about you eating chocolate; I just don’t want you to lie to me.
Noah then suggests that maybe it was the blueberries he ate at dinner with a hint of desperation. He can tell that he is quickly on his way to getting into big trouble.
We brushed your teeth last night, Noah. It’s not the blueberries.
Maybe it was the sugar cookie from Publix he had eaten from Publix the day before.
No!
As this situation starts to escalate with a bewildered Noah, a bemused Scott and an angry me, Noah bares his teeth and I see…
Blood!
Blood is oozing out of his gums. I take a damp washcloth and begin to wipe his mouth and all the chocolate is turning to blood. The crash the night before had not just been the towel rack – it included Noah’s teeth on the bathroom tile. This is where “World’s Okayest Mom” is assigned to me. I have just spent the last five minutes accusing my 4-year old of eating chocolate, when he was actually bleeding… and had been bleeding… ALL NIGHT LONG.
This whole experience has been on my mind for weeks. I’ve retold the story as a funny moment in life, but it has stuck with me as something beyond a funny story.
As parents, we are doing the best we can and yet we still make mistakes. I spend a good bit of my time feeling bad for how I have treated my children – the sharp words, the accusing tone, the lack of patience at the end of the day, the desperate need for them to stay in their room once we have laid them down to bed. I replay my less than amazing moments over and over in my head. The loop seems to indict me as a horrible person and a horrible mother. No other mother would turn the radio up so loud that she can’t hear her children, throw her children’s toys out the car window after she told the kids not to throw things in the car. Not only is this crazy lady a terrible mom, she’s also a litterer.
But… but. I love my kids, I adore my kids. Yes, I get frustrated with them. I want to tear my hair out regularly and plug my ears, but, you know what, I am doing okay. My kids think I am okay. When Noah and Vivian get hurt, they seek me out to comfort them. When I pick them up from daycare, the pure unadulturated joy on their faces when I walk through the door is a moment of pure bliss.
The fact that this joy exists in tiny increments is enough. And this is why I am okay. And this is why you are okay. So join me in embracing our okayness. I am feeling pretty good about being one of the Okayest Moms out there.
P.S. For those of you worried about Noah’s teeth, never fear. I took him to the dentist that day and although they were quite loose the damage was not permanent. There’s a reason kids are given a practice set of teeth before the permanent ones come in – so they can eat it on the tile and still be pretty okay.
